Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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