it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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