So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
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He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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