You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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