I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And then my night got REAL pukey
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize