i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize