why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he wants to bone in the snuggie
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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