Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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