somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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