I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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