they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize