The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
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maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
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Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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