I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Four minutes until I can fart!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
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It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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