omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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