wat bout pragnant strippers??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize