i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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