Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize