so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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