At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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