i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The ass gains better be worth it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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