it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
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gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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