I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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