Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
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I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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