Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize