Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize