What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My feet surprised me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize