I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize