I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I cut my penus on the lid.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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