Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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