My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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