So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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