I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize