Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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