By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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