And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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