I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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