checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize