she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
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You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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