There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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