You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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