I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize