Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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