The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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