if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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