i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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