it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
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We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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