I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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