we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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