He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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