the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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